The beginning of 2012 has been a whirwind of a ride with my mom. January 1, 2012, a trip to the emergency room and on to a hospital room. Five days later, she is moved to "skilled" care at her campus of assisted living. Yesterday, almost two weeks later, she is moved back to her apartment in the assisted living area. Three major moves-each change moves my mom another step away and deeper into her world; the world of Dementia.
This morning we had a care plan meeting to reevaluate her situation and yes, we are making another move tomorrow- to the Dementia Unit. This was not how I thought my day would go, but my sister and I agreed this would be the best and safest decision for her now. I've gone and bought a bed, new comforter set, pillows, sheets, a curtain rod, and a curtain for her new room. Decorating makes me feel like I'm really helping her even though I know she isn't really aware of what's taking place.
The staff in this new facility seems nice and a few of them already know mom since she has lived on campus for six years. I'm not worried about her care, just saddened that she may have drifted further away never to return to the point where she knows me, Michelle, Richard, Rick or my children. She asked me this morning where her children were. On the outside she appears to be better, but deep inside she is still searching for that "happy" place- one where she feels safe, comfortable, and knows where she is. Right now, I think she is still floundering and doesn't know where to land. Hopefully, in this new, safe and smaller enviornment she will adjust and settle into a "happy" place. That's my prayer for her.
It seems to me that God has been preparing us for this move since Christmas. Since we probably aren't ready to let go all together yet, God is allowing us to grieve in stages. With every step away, it's like we grieve a portion of her that we don't have anymore. After dad died, she drifted, and we grieved for her and for him. That's where she has been happy for the past 6 years. Over the past several months, we've watched her struggle with her memory. She caught herself as she was telling our adoption story when she asked my son if he remembered when we adopted my sister. Before she finished her question, something told her that wasn't right and she dropped the story altogether. I've watched her try to figure out who I am at times. I grieved. Now as she has drifted even further away we're grieving some more. This may sound strange, but God is good like that. He is taking her to be with Him eventually, but He's taking her in stages and maybe that's for our benefit and not necessarily for hers. It's hard to watch her drift, but we still have her with us and that's a blessing!
Tomorrow begins a new chapter. I don't know how she will adjust to her new environnment, but I believe we're making the best decision possible at this time. It's been a journey that we have no map for, but around every turn I know our Lord is with us and will walk with us the whole way through. That's what faith and trust is all about. If we claim Him as our Lord and Savior, then we put our trust totally in Him. She's in His hands and that's the safest place to be!
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7
My Pleasure,
Melanie
This morning we had a care plan meeting to reevaluate her situation and yes, we are making another move tomorrow- to the Dementia Unit. This was not how I thought my day would go, but my sister and I agreed this would be the best and safest decision for her now. I've gone and bought a bed, new comforter set, pillows, sheets, a curtain rod, and a curtain for her new room. Decorating makes me feel like I'm really helping her even though I know she isn't really aware of what's taking place.
The staff in this new facility seems nice and a few of them already know mom since she has lived on campus for six years. I'm not worried about her care, just saddened that she may have drifted further away never to return to the point where she knows me, Michelle, Richard, Rick or my children. She asked me this morning where her children were. On the outside she appears to be better, but deep inside she is still searching for that "happy" place- one where she feels safe, comfortable, and knows where she is. Right now, I think she is still floundering and doesn't know where to land. Hopefully, in this new, safe and smaller enviornment she will adjust and settle into a "happy" place. That's my prayer for her.
It seems to me that God has been preparing us for this move since Christmas. Since we probably aren't ready to let go all together yet, God is allowing us to grieve in stages. With every step away, it's like we grieve a portion of her that we don't have anymore. After dad died, she drifted, and we grieved for her and for him. That's where she has been happy for the past 6 years. Over the past several months, we've watched her struggle with her memory. She caught herself as she was telling our adoption story when she asked my son if he remembered when we adopted my sister. Before she finished her question, something told her that wasn't right and she dropped the story altogether. I've watched her try to figure out who I am at times. I grieved. Now as she has drifted even further away we're grieving some more. This may sound strange, but God is good like that. He is taking her to be with Him eventually, but He's taking her in stages and maybe that's for our benefit and not necessarily for hers. It's hard to watch her drift, but we still have her with us and that's a blessing!
Tomorrow begins a new chapter. I don't know how she will adjust to her new environnment, but I believe we're making the best decision possible at this time. It's been a journey that we have no map for, but around every turn I know our Lord is with us and will walk with us the whole way through. That's what faith and trust is all about. If we claim Him as our Lord and Savior, then we put our trust totally in Him. She's in His hands and that's the safest place to be!
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7
My Pleasure,
Melanie
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