Casual Friendship: Be Selective (Part 2)

Friends are treasures. Like shells on a beach, we put forth much effort to find those really special ones. Some days we search long and hard to find just the right ones, and other days they just appear on the shoreline laying at our salty, sandy feet.

Friends are the shells we select and take home. Some may fall through the holes in the net of life, but others will remain priceless treasures for a lifetime.


In Part 1, we examined our deepest friendships - our inner circles. Today we will discover the importance of casual friendships.

Noah Webster defines casual as:
1. not foreseen or expected
2. Occasional; coming at certain times, without regularity

A casual friend is someone we meet up with occasionally for companionship sake; someone to laugh with, talk shop, and enjoy the lighter side of life.

But, our casual friendships are of utmost importance. Why? These friends become the pool from where the deeper will flow.

She may be a co-worker we eat lunch with on occasion, a neighbor we engage in conversation over the fence, or the teacher in the classroom down the hall. She could be the quiet one at Bible study each week, or the mom we chat with in the carpool line, at our children's birthday parties, or at community events.

Casual friends are those we linger with because we want to. They're the occasional catcher-uppers on the latest scoop. We may or may not go below surface talk, and there's not as much transparency here.

Guarded, but penetrable.

Safe, but not isolated.

Casual friendships are where the waters are tested to see if going deeper is possible. But, before taking a friendship to the next depth we must ponder some very pertinent questions:

Can I trust her with the delicate pieces of my heart?

Will she be one to encourage me, pray for me, and hold me accountable in my walk with Christ?

How will inviting her into my inner circle be glorifying to Christ? 

Will we challenge each other to be all God has designed us to be?

When I think of Jesus' casual friendships, I remember Mary, Martha and Lazarus. These were among those Christ loved and cared for very deeply. And they loved Him. Even though Lazarus' death was to be a defining moment in revealing God's glory by raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus' humanness still spilled from His eyes as He grieved for Lazarus with his carefully chosen friends. (refer to John 11:1-43)

Margaret Feinberg says, "Good friends love me as I am, but they also love me enough not to leave me there." (Wonderstruck Bible study, pg. 116) What a spiritual visual. Jesus loved Lazarus so much and knew He wouldn't leave him in the condition He found him - dead and in bondage.

Good, casual friendships take work, too. We have to intentionally make time to check in, catch up, and encourage one another to press on, so we remain spiritually healthy.

So, as you continue evaluating your friendships this summer, select your shells wisely. Take some time to browse the seashore searching for just the right ones. Don't be afraid to leave some along the shore for someone else to come along and find. We must use caution even when selecting our casual friends because our spiritual health, and our friend's spiritual health, may depend on it.

My Pleasure,
Melanie