After weeks witnessing a flood of tears like we've never seen before and caring for his mom 24/7, my husband was able to sleep in our bed again for the first time in 40 days and 40 nights. That's right. Just like Noah and the flood.
My mother-in-law is in a crisis and it's not over yet. We've watched tears continuously stream down the face of this very sad soul as she continues to grieve after more than a year. With box after box of tissues, we've tried to console her for weeks, but to no avail. Her sadness has pushed her into crisis mode.
Grief that is allowed to take up residence and settle into the deep crevices of a broken heart can become debilitating, and it's very hard to watch. It causes one to become completely hopeless, helpless, and lost without direction or purpose. It affects all aspects of life and the person literally begins to wither away.
My mother-in-law is lost without her husband of almost 63 years. Where you saw one you usually saw the other. They were inseparable. Watching him battle cancer for three years was very tough on her and, even up to the last moment, she seemed to never grasp the fact that he was going to die.
It has been a year and four and a half months since his passing. She has never really accepted his death. She has not moved forward though she has put up somewhat a good front.
These last weeks of taking care of her have revealed a deep level of distress and have opened our eyes to what has really been going on in her broken heart. Her behavior has confirmed our dreaded fear that she has never gotten past the grief. Some physical evidence sounded the alarm that something was very wrong. I've never observed anyone go down hill so fast.
After a week lying in a hospital bed, her doctors are still puzzled as to why she has declined at such a rapid pace. They have their opinions, but no test pinpoints anything physically wrong. There are signs of a rare form of rapid dementia and some mini strokes. And though her vitals continue to identify her as a strong little woman, all of her actions, including no desire to eat or drink, stem from something breaking down in the brain.
I'm no doctor, but I know a broken heart when I see one and hers is completely broken in two. Like a friend said, "The jelly doesn't know what to do without the peanut butter." They were so blended together that she is totally lost without him. Even with people all around her, she's just so sad and so lonely.
But even grief is not without purpose. Jesus promises that we will suffer, but in our suffering we can have joy. As James 1:2 NKJV says, " Count if all joy when you fall into various trials." Suffering and trials are the testing of our faith. Even watching someone suffer is a form of suffering. Our faith is being tested, tried and proven as well.
Suffering is part of the process of perfecting our faith, increasing our patience. There's work that needs to be accomplished to refine us into the image of Christ - the radiance of God's glory (Heb. 1:3). We must be patient in enduring the suffering.
Our understanding of suffering comes from different levels of maturity. James 1:5 says if we lack wisdom, then we should ask for it, but we should ask for it in faith without doubting. Suffering is the key to maturity in Christ. All suffering doesn't look the same, but all suffering is for the same purpose - to grow us up in the faith.
What lies before the believer is living in His eternal presence forever with no more pain, no more tears, no more heartache, no more disease, no more hurt, no more suffering. It's Heaven!
Broken hearts are what Christ died for - hearts broken by sin, but healed by a Savior.
No matter how God works it all out for this sweet woman we love and adore, we know her heart will be forever healed by the healing hand of God. But, in the meantime, we must pray for wisdom and be patient.
My Pleasure,
Melanie
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